This is 60?

My wife Lori turned 60 recently. It may sound chauvinist, but this is not easy for a man like me. The idea of me with a 60-year-old woman is somewhat frightening.

Don’t get me wrong — my wife is in great shape. Her recent 60-pound weight loss is as admirable as it is attractive. I believe her motivation for the drastic weight loss was the fear of losing me. I am not an unattractive man and she would be blind to not realize that, in our 38 years of marriage, I have been the object of lust for several admirers. Although my Hostess-cupcake-zero-exercise diet may be not advisable for lesser specimens, it has not hampered my appeal to the opposite sex.

I am not worthy of my wonderful wife. She is the most kind and giving person I have ever met. She finds the positive in every negative situation. When I was told I had type 2 diabetes, she told me making love to a diabetic with an over-140 blood sugar level had always been a fantasy of hers. When I was told there was a good chance I was headed for impotence, she said this was a diagnosis she looked forward to reversing.

When I’m with Lori, I don’t have heart problems, unless you count my very real heart problems.

My wife is a wonderful partner and mother. Her three pregnancies were beautiful experiences and she never experienced morning sickness. She did, however, admit to being nauseous during conception.

With each child, we shared the excitement of finding out the sex of the baby six months before the birth. As an aside, I myself was 3 months old before my sex was verified.

It may sound unfair that I am almost 70 and hold my wife to a different standard than I do for myself. In todays’ world, I know my ideas are antiquated and frowned upon. I can’t help it. I’m old fashioned, and not ashamed of it.

I want my wife to remain young and desirable in spite of the minimal effort on my part to take care of myself. To a world-class enabler like my wife, this seems to make sense.

Happy 60th to a woman who is the definition of the word “wonderful.” Please stay understanding and beautiful so you can live in ecstasy with a man whose diabetes, high blood pressure and heart problems inexplicably seem to turn you on.