Despite mounting fears in the waning days of August, the annual ThrOlympics returned for at least one more edition last month. If you are not one of the dozens of worldwide fans, the ThrOlympics — beyond the sport’s pageantry and punditry — is a day once a year when my kids and I go in the water and I throw them into the air.

Do you have children now or anticipate having children in the future? Do you have occasional access to a body of water? And a compulsion to demonstrate feats of strength despite your general reluctance to exercise? Then you too could be taking part in this time-honored tradition.

The Caveats

1. Ensure you are in a gravity rich environment. This is advice primarily for future readers and, to a lesser extent, billionaires. Before sending your child skyward, make sure that you are situated on a planet or moon with the requisite gravitational pull to ensure their return. 

2. Lakes are Great. The ThrOlympics Oversight Committee (TOC) recommends but does not require participation in bodies of fresh, non-chlorinated water. Following this guidance mitigates exposure to sharks and lifeguards while supporting TOC’s partnership with The Michigan Hospitality & Tourism Alliance — Pure Michigan! 

3. Your children. You may find yourself in a situation where it is (a) physically possible, (b) socially acceptable and (c) legally permissible to throw someone else’s children into the air. I do not recommend it. 

The Mechanics

Proper mechanics by both the thrower and the throwee are critical for safe, effective ThrOlympic execution, particularly over the course of successive summers.

1. Plant your feet, preferably on a sandy bottom, shoulder-width apart. Do not lean forward or back.

2. Before submerging, grasp the bottoms of Child's feet in the upward-facing palms of your hands. Keep your elbows tucked in to provide a stable platform for the Throw.

3. Submerge yourself completely, keeping your back straight and your footing stable. If you have access to a hot tub, it may help to picture yourself sitting in the hot tub shortly thereafter. (Note: Do not attempt Throw in hot tub of any size.)

4. As you submerge, Child enters and remains in the tuck position, knees up to their chest, with their hands on your neck or shoulders for stability. It is critical to avoid unintentional strangulation or tickling.

5. Stand up from the squat position, first straightening your legs and then your arms, rising at a steady cadence so that Child can push off and release into the air. 

6. Submerge yourself immediately, particularly if the angle of Throw suggests that Child might land on you.

  1. Repeat until hot tub.

The Metaphor

You want the world for your kids. That they should soar. That whatever upward momentum you can muster might help launch them into wide open spaces. That they should feel a sense of possibility, of exit velocity, before encountering adulthood in all its gravity.

But how much to push? Too much thrust and they could lose their footing, their equilibrium; too little and they might not break the surface. The answer is not in a book. And if you have two kids, you will have two different lifts, two different trajectories. One will flip and the other will twist and it will be disorienting for you but intuitive for them.

So provide the most sturdy foundation you can, keeping your legs underneath you, even as you contend with currents of your own. May your lift be steady yet adaptive, adjusting in ways they won't notice as they straighten out, extend and — with the confidence you'll still be there — let go.

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